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Friday May 9,2008

Out of the blue she spoke...

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb,

I have never up close and personally experienced before what happened to me a couple of weeks ago. My aunt had been diagnosed with cancer over a year ago and the doctors told her that the cancer was just in her lungs. They said that if they removed just half of one of her lungs, she would be OK. They never told her that her lung could twist or that when they cut her open the cancer could spread. They went ahead and removed part of her lung and it twisted and spread. A year went by and many horrible things happened to her. She was in a lot of pain. She had to sign papers prior to leaving the hospital for the last time that she would not call 911 and she would not return to the hospital no matter what happened. She was in a hospice state now. My uncle tried as hard as he could to take care of her, but with no sleep for three days, and with her yanking her oxygen tubes out and refusing to take her medicine, her husband had to call the nearby hospice in our town.

She was sent there, and from that time she went downhill. They had her so heavily medicated with morphine that she talked as though she was mentally retarded. She was so swollen and so frustrated. I was there the last two days before she passed away. The first day she just talked gibberish and was still in a lot of pain still. The thing that gets me is this: The day before she passed away my now husband and I went to see her. He and I were the only ones in the room. Now mind you that she could not speak a word. All of a sudden in clear speech she yelled out, "Dorothy, Dorothy!" "Don't take me, just go over there!" Then she returned to her previous condition of not making any sense. The reason that this is so weird is 5 am she passed away, with my uncle and one of her daughters at her side. I guess you can say that was my best way of coping with it: To think that Dorothy came and got her and took her home. She was no longer in pain.

Sincerely,

She Spoke!

Dear Friend:

I was so sorry to hear about your aunt's death and the trauma it caused the whole family. I appreciate that you shared your story. There's much to respond to here, but I think the most important thing is how you have processed her death.

Nurses and other people working with terminally ill patients frequently confirm incidents such as your Aunt had shortly before death. Sometimes people will have a short period of clarity, to be able to say one last good-bye. Sometimes they won't be quite ready to go and a dramatic incident will occur similar to what you reported. Other times, patients will talk about seeing deceased relatives and knowing that when the time comes they will be met lovingly by them to be taken home.