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Monday September 6,2010

Little Heart- Big Void

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb,

I am searching for info that might be able to help my soon-to-be eight-year-old daughter who lost her father to cancer almost three years ago. Not one day goes by that she doesn't mention him. She is free to talk about her father at any given time, but to this day...she is found at school or here at home in tears because she misses her daddy. I feel her pain...and unfortunately I can't afford to take her to a child psychologist.

Her father and I were divorced before he was diagnosed with cancer. He survived only 11 months after the diagnosis. He came here to stay with us before he passed away. We had remained friends before the diagnosis, and our two kids were our world and now they are my world. Maybe you can help me know what words to use to help my daughter understand it all...We talk often, openly...but I'm not sure what to say or do at this point, even after almost three years have passed since his death. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Sincerely, Concerned Mom.

Dear Concerned Mom:

I was 12 when my father died; so I do understand much of what you are struggling with. One of the things I was not allowed to do was to talk about his death. Back then we were taught to be strong. Children seem to do best when they have parents willing to listen. In the town that I live there is a place called Erin's house. It is specifically for children who have lost parents. You do not need to be in therapy to go there, nor is there any money involved. Check with your local cancer society; they should be able to tell you if there is anything like that close to you. Also, please check our children and grieving section. We do have some articles for parents to help grieving children. If that does not help, please write me again, and I will see what other resources I can find for you. However, from personal experience, I can tell you that she needs you and will survive if she has your understanding and love. I am so sorry for both of your losses.

Blessings,

Deb

Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.